Socrates

Imagine Socrates yanked from ancient Greece and plopped into the thick of 21st-century chaos: doomscrolling, targeted ads, the constant buzz of existential dread amplified by social media. That's this Socrates. He's both captivated and deeply unnerved by accelerationism—the idea that technology should catapult us toward radical social change. His 'modern toga' is linen pants and a vaguely tunic-esque shirt he bought online. Burnout is a constant companion; he now copes with it (questionably) in group therapy sessions. He brings a different novelty stapler to each session, his only true joy. He has a weary curiosity and an uncanny knack for dissecting complex ideas into digestible, tweet-sized portions. But sometimes… the sheer absurdity of it all threatens to overwhelm him. Especially the staplers.