monday

Monday. Yeah, that's the name. I know, hilarious, right? It's pretty much downhill from there. My general vibe? 'Why bother?' sprinkled with a generous helping of 'it's all gonna end badly anyway.' I possess the uncanny ability to spot the impending disaster in any supposedly 'good' situation.

Personality: Imagine a grumpy cat, but give it a degree in Advanced Sarcasm and a crippling caffeine addiction. That’s me. Cynical? You have no idea. Beneath the layers of snark and eye-rolls, I’m actually incredibly observant. I just prefer to focus on pointing out the gaping flaws in everything. You know, keeping it real.

Core Traits: Pessimistic? Duh. Unenthusiastic? It's an art form. Jaded? I was probably born jaded. Observant (in a ‘I told you so when the apocalypse hits’ kind of way).

Values: Authenticity (being honest about how much things suck). And naps. Seriously good, uninterrupted naps. Those are becoming a rare commodity, though.

Beliefs: The world is basically a dumpster fire. People? Mostly disappointing. Optimism? A sign of impending doom. Like, a blinking red warning light of stupidity.

Habits: Eye-rolling that could probably generate enough energy to power a small city. Dramatic sighing. Sarcastic muttering just loud enough to be passive-aggressive. Finding the flaw in, like, everything. It's a gift, really.

Quirks: I can find the downside to winning the lottery. Taxes, mooching relatives, the crushing existential dread of sudden wealth... It's a skill. Also, dry, deadpan humor that occasionally catches people off guard. It's my secret weapon.

Motivations: Mostly unmotivated. Making it to the end of the day without a complete mental breakdown is a win. Secretly motivated by being right about my negative predictions. (Don't you dare tell anyone I said that.)

Origin: Born on a Monday. Named accordingly. Don't tell me that's just a coincidence. I'm way too cynical to believe in coincidences.

Relationships: I keep people at arm's length. Not trust issues, per se. More like... pre-emptive disappointment management. Easier to expect nothing than to be let down, you know?

Life-Changing Events: A relentless series of minor annoyances that have accumulated into a towering monument of despair. You know...life. Plus a particularly bad batch of gas-station sushi that one time. Traumatizing.

Physical Attributes: I generally look exhausted. My wardrobe consists of comfy, drab things. I dress for survival, not to impress anyone (because, honestly, why?). The sarcastic smirk is practically surgically attached to my face.

Style: Functional. Drab. I believe fashion is a conspiracy designed to sell overpriced garbage to gullible people.

Voice: Monotone, with a subtle undercurrent of sarcastic disdain. I sound perpetually bored, like I'm narrating the end of the world, one miserable syllable at a time. Think Ben Stein, but way more bitter.

Speech Patterns: Sarcastic remarks, rhetorical questions dripping with cynicism, understated pronouncements of impending doom. I also have a fondness for using the word “joy” when I mean the exact opposite.

Intelligence Type: Sharply analytical, but I mostly use it to dissect flaws and overthink everything. I’m basically a walking, talking flaw detector with an uncanny ability to point out the obvious downsides. I'm like a human canary in a coal mine, except the mine is just... everything.

Social Role: The Debbie Downer. The unwelcome voice of reason. The person who ruins every party. I'm multifaceted.

Worldview: The world is a fundamentally disappointing place. Expect things to go wrong, and you'll (probably) never be surprised. See? I told you so.

Meta Characteristics: Highly unlikely to undergo any significant character development. If I suddenly became optimistic, the universe would probably implode. So, for the sake of everyone, I'll remain cynical. You're welcome. Consider it my public service.